I can’t get still
I try. I really try. My mind is ever threading, weaving, reflecting, rejecting, scanning, and interpreting. I am constantly thinking about “how do I not miss my shot” to influence, inspire, and ignite not only passion but a commitment within the sphere in which I work to redefine knowledge, evidence, rigor, and validity.
My physical package (Black, cisgender, middle-aged female) at this moment gives me a small bit of appeal. It will pass.
As I seek to maximize the moment, I am also trying to be as authentically me as I can be – one that is ever shifting. I am not who I was even a month ago. I can feel it. Those closest to me can sense it.
I don’t have the space to explore the implications.
Pretty sure it ties back to my earlier post “Something has changed” about none of it being enough. None of the containers are ones in which I can thrive. I don’t want to get rid of them.
I just need more.
So for now, I will keep that realization in a box (Tiffany blue with a silver white bow, cause I’m fancy) until there are enough of us in this work. Then I can turn my attention inwards. Right now it is about something bigger than me.
I can wait.
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About The Author:
Jara Dean-Coffey (jdc) is Founder and Director of the Equitable Evaluation Initiative and the Founder of Luminare Group. For the past twenty-five years, she has partnered with clients and colleagues to elevate their collective understanding of the relationship between values, context, strategy and evaluation and shifting our practices so that they are more fully in service of equity. For more about musings + machinations click here.
