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This was written, on the bed as usual—in a journal with a few pages remaining.
It seems the first pages are dated early 2013 from work a lifetime ago.
I’ve been developing a meditation and yoga practice since the middle of January. It’s starting to become a ritual as I notice a gap, a space and a lack of attunement when I don’t do it.
The other day, post some time with my inner self, I realized something — partly because we are pondering where our next physical home should be geographically located —I am my home. What I mean is for me, my home resides within and so it matters less to me where I am situated externally.
My parents and an all girls school preparatory education during key developmental years (grades 7-12) and the ever present support of my husband of 26+ years are partly why this is also true for me. I also know that on my maternal and paternal sides land ownership goes back generations. There is no doubt that the security and grounding of owning your own land was internalized genetically. I’ve also been fortunate enough to own two homes in the Bay Area and started traveling quite a bit about 5 years ago for work. So, overtime I have been able to (and in some ways had to) disconnect my idea of home from a static brick and mortar structure. It is one of the ways my privilege shows up. It is also a survival mechanism but that is for another time.
It’s an odd feeling — to feel sovereign; to be honest. Particularly given the glaring and constant reminders of how little valued the Black body is, unless it can be commodified (i.e., slavery to professional sports), let alone that of a Black woman but there it is.
I wish this feeling or truth: “I am home, safe, loved, loving, secure and thriving” was one which my ancestors felt. It is one that I wish for each of us now and in the future. Perhaps if we can get there, our existence and experience on this planet might reflect the humanity I know existed at one point within each of us.
This blog was written May 27, 2021
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About The Author:
Jara Dean-Coffey (jdc) is Founder and Director of the Equitable Evaluation Initiative and the Founder of Luminare Group. For the past twenty-five years, she has partnered with clients and colleagues to elevate their collective understanding of the relationship between values, context, strategy and evaluation and shifting our practices so that they are more fully in service of equity. For more about musings + machinations click here.
